SUCKER PUNCH CIT-TAY

POPPA DONT PREACH!!!

So allgedly Kelli Osbourne had a doozy of a time with her home depot skills because her publicist is reporting that she had a nasty encounter with a cabinet. She allegedly put up a cabinet herself and the whole thing came crashing down on her which put a gash in her head and blackened her eye????(yeah uh huh, right)

My question is why didn't she do this project the good old American way and hire Alejandro and his chicos from the home depot parking lot like the rest of us hard working Americans. I will say this now and I will say this only once. NEVER BE AFRAID TO SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL CHULO!!!

CHEESE AND CRACKERS BATMAN

Word on the curb is that the walking Herp in a skirt is getting her own TV show.

In a last ditch effort to save humanity from any form of intelligence Nicole Richie will turn her awe full book "The Truth About Diamonds" into a TV show.

Nicole told E! that she's planning to take on some roles for the show,

***Here's what she told them***

"I would definitely produce and definitely be in the show. I don't know if I need to be the star of this show. I've got a lot going on right now."

Yeah neglecting your child and avoiding solid foods must be a cumbersome task....GIRL STOP.. So I read a little of this fuckery and honestly I'm sure she didnt write this. She probably locked some old nun down in her leather dungeon and sat her at the desk that she uses to display her Dildos and Gag Hangers, and told her "write Bitch, Write, or else the Lord will be your Sheppard once I turn your skin into a sheep quilt!!!"

Check out a review of the book here at PopMatters

Magazine Mayhem

***MONCHI-CHI ALERT***


So allegedly this was supposed to be last months cover of Essence but it got scrapped because.....MonCHI-CHI!!!!!!!!!!! sorry I have a newly discovered disease called typing tawrettes. Actually I have no idea why it was scrapped but chances are it was more then likely pulled because Tameka had issues scheduling her Vasectomy around the shoot and wouldn't be there to do her Klengnong death stare at any woman who looked at her young gold mind...oops...husband. Didn't ya'll hear that loud thump last week? It wasn't thunder or anything natural, it was Tamekas balls hittin the floor when she found out she wasn't on the cover with mole man and MonChi-Chi jr. Reason enough for it to be scrapped. Who cares about Usher and their little darling off spring. We want more photos of the first man to give birth, Tameka Foster, not that fake man made man who was once a woman. Science should definitely study Tameka because she got that good homie.



***GRANDMA SWAG***




So this months issue of O.K. aka Hell no... features a very elderly looking Jamie Lynn Spears holding her baby...(who cares what the babies name is), looking like the Meth addict waitress who serves up the good stuff at the waffle house on Howell Mill. Don't hat ya'll know you wanna bask in the glory that is the Spears family. I mean look at what they have to be proud of. They have two daughters who obviously kick back packs of Lucky Lights like they Flintstones chew ables, at the trailer ranch. while taking blood oaths to never be any kind of role model to little girls who start taking an interest in their lives. Shame it all to hell.....shame.

***STYLIN ON U HOES*** Andre Leon Talley Can't Buy Thongs

The NewYork Post Reports that the world was touched by an angel when your favorite Sister/Mister was thwarted (YESSSSS-J-real), before he was allowed to buy Calvin Klein Thongs

*** just threw up in my mouth a little***

Here is the article:

ANDRE Leon Talley had a tough time buying underpants recently. The 6-foot-8 Vogue editor at large was in Macy's picking out XXL Calvin Klein thongs, but was thwarted when he tried to open a store credit- card account, our spy said. "He was denied and had trouble paying for it and had to come back . . . it was a big fiasco," the source said. Vogue spokes man Patrick O'Connell con firmed Talley was in Macy's, but insisted he was buying Polo boxers - not thongs. He declined to discuss the credit flap.

Tila made Gay Marriage possible!!!!

So apparently the cold sore queen Tila Tequila saved gay marriage. In a recent interview she reportedly said:

"It is because of me — I definitely think [my show] has helped the movement. Before it came out, everyone was still a little apprehensive about [same sex relationships]," she said. "Then they realized, 'Wow, everyone is really into this stuff, and it is fine.' The next thing you know, [gay marriage] is legal."

Hmmm? Now does this mean that contracting gonarhea in the eye will also become legalized because they do it quite well on her show as well . Or how about vaginal warts? Will Tila be the next woman riding on a horse professing her love for valtrex when she has unexpected, red, irratating skin rashes? Tune in next time with your favorite Bi-Sexual Asian sensation Tila Tequila....Girl you so different.

This week on "I love Ham- Hock"

LUNELLE!!!!!!
Aint she just Go-Geous I wanna put her neck rolls on a plate and sock'em up with a beef biscuit. She look like she enjoys eating Burger King breakfast burritos with a loose Newport and a diet coke on the side while in Bed watchin Maury in the mornings. If you guessed it, yes Lunelle is the hooker from Borat...lol... The highlight of her promising career ***looks away***

Because I paid all the bills about a month too late

So I just got word that Blu Cantrell just wrapped up a photo spread for playboy ***vomits on every wooden surface in 10 foot radius*** I could just imagine her wonderfully decorated Charlottes Web fish sticks gracing the covers of play boy Garcelle Beauve Style. Oh it makes my heart feel all tantric. I could imagine my great AuntyP commenting on the shoot "oh lawd,aint dat thang about my age, nah dass juss nassy is wut it is. Shame da damn Devuh...SHAME!!...